“My boyfriend cheated on me.” When you get cheated on by your boyfriend, it can leave you devastated, angry and lost. You may be feeling a sense of complete hopelessness – how could this happen to you?
Above all, you simply cannot trust him anymore, and you hardly feel you even know who he has become. You may be wondering, how can you ever talk to him about it? How can you get to the real truth?
My Boyfriend Cheated On Me – How To Talk About The Affair With Him
It is not easy to talk about it. It’s probably the last thing you want to do right now, but at some point it’s going to be necessary.
Healing Yourself First
You may feel trepidation and stress simply at the thought of talking to him about it. If that’s the case, then you need to instead look within yourself. There are emotions and feelings you have to deal with before you can feel at ease discussing the details of the affair with him. There is no need to rush into this. If you do, you risk doing more harm than good. Take the time to come to terms with your own emotions.
The feelings you are having are legitimate and normal. It’s important you recognize them and think of why you are having these feelings. Write down the reasons you are feeling the way you do, just for yourself. Writing things down is an effective way of ‘releasing’ them from your head. You do not have to show what you’ve written to your partner, or to anybody.
Talking With Your Partner
There’s a technique known as ‘coming into agreement’ with your partner. This means that you need to discuss together the issue that you are having, and firmly decide that you need to do something about it.
“My boyfriend cheated on me with my best friend. The affair had left our lives in havoc, but I wanted to make sure that we were both on the same page about preserving our relationship. After looking inwards for healing, I said to him, ‘I feel we need to come into agreement about preserving our relationship.’ He agreed and said he was ready to move forward. Getting it out in the open like that was a big step forward for us.”
-Kathy
Whenever you use that saying, ‘We need to come into agreement about… ,” you are allowing the possibility for negotiating a solution to the problem. The important thing here is that you are working together. Do not try to manipulate him, because that will always backfire in the end.
How do you come up with a solution to the problem? First, you need to start writing down solutions together, without evaluating them just yet. Then you both rate each solution, and share them with each other. Then you see if any of them match up, and if the proposed solutions actually fix the problem you are having.
Then finally, you have to put your plan into action. It is no good coming up with theories without acting on them. See how it works for a week or two, and then evaluate how it’s going.
The First Agreement: Preserving The Relationship
Many people have difficulties developing solutions to the problems in their relationship. A few things you could agree on to start with:
- Commit to love and cherish each other
- Your relationship is your main priority, along with your children
- That you will learn to communicate effectively with each other, even if you cannot do so right now
There is only one reason you need to discuss the details of an affair – if you, the injured person, feel you cannot heal unless you know the details.
I am a relationship research writer, and very few programs go into great detail about how to talk about the affair.
Inside ‘How To Survive An Affair’, Dr Gunzburg shows you in great detail how to know what you need to talk about, and how to heal first. In phase 1, he outlines every emotion you are feeling right now, and how to overcome them.
In phase 2, he tells you how you can heal together as a couple in order to move forward. Finally, in phase 3, you can start to rebuild your relationship to something even greater than it used to be, and prosper into the future.
He has very specific exercises you can do to resolve the issues that arise after your boyfriend has had an affair. To learn exactly what to do and say right now, there is a FREE report you can download instantly:
Dr Gunzburg’s Free Report – What To Do And Say After An Affair
Get your copy of this report right now so you can know precisely how to make things back to normal again.
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So your husband cheated on you. Perhaps you are not sure if the affair is over and you have difficulty trusting anything he says. When he leaves the house, you are never quite sure where he is going.
Dr Gunzburg’s methods are based on the science of cognitive behavioral psychology. I read through the whole program because I wanted to find out if it really is possible to rebuild a relationship after your husband has cheated. I was thoroughly impressed by the detail he goes into and the exercises you can use straight away.
Did you grow up believing in the fairy tale marriage and happily ever after? Many of us do. You believe that when you grow up, you will meet a wonderful man (or woman), gaze deeply into each others’ eyes and fall deeply in love. You then imagine taking the marriage vows, to grow old together, honor each other and above all, to be faithful to each other. It’s not only small girls that have this dream of their future life, men and women alike hope it to become a reality one day.
For many people, once somebody has had an affair then that’s it – the relationship is over. It’s not surprising, as this is what society tells us. This is what we see in the movies – a strong minded woman finding out the horrible truth, smacking her spouse across the face and storming off.
I’d like to introduce you to a friend of mine. His name is Dr Frank Gunzburg. Frank has been fighting to save marriages for over 30 years, and he’s been doing a very good job indeed. He has a history in marriage counselling and has a PhD.
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In How To Survive An Affair by Dr Gunzburg, you can learn all about the five forms of trust in a relationship. Think about the different ways that trust is built into the very fabric of your relationship – couples often tie their finances together, they rely on each other for emotional support, physical safety and trust each other to tell the truth at all times.